The 3 Letter Word That Makes You The Best Parent You Can Be
I have read so many parenting articles and books and listened to hundreds of podcast episodes that sound SO GOOD to my expectant or new parent ears and heart. Have you?
Whether it’s related to sleep or feeding, discipline or household rules, what phrases to use or which to avoid or a whole litany of other parenting topics that have myriad approaches, I have believed - like REALLY believed in certain parenting approaches and even elevated them to “the right way” status at various points in my parenting.
And without fail my children have shown me that while it’s okay to love and align personally with an approach, it may not align with who they are or what they need.
They have led me away from the comforting perception of certainty and identity that parenting methodologies offer and opened my eyes to the understanding that the “right way” to raise them is to know them; to really know them. They have taught me to be willing to modify or abandon approaches that don’t fit them, me or our family, to observe how they respond to different ways of interacting with them and lean into what seems to work for us. To parent in the way that works for us even if it deviates from an approach that makes my mama heart soar when I read or hear about it.
My children have taught me the power of “AND.”
The Power of AND
I can love and align with a parenting philosophy or methodology AND make a different choice for my child.
Wow. There is some serious power in that statement so I’ll give you some examples from my life…
Being The Best Parent I Can Be
I align with Attachment Parenting AND one of my babies went to child care and another slept in their own room at 6 weeks.
I love the idea of homemade organic baby food AND store bought foods were what was often best for our family.
I'm a Bradley Method natural child birth warrior AND have not an ounce of regret about my 3 epidurals.
I align with Positive/Respectful Parenting AND I have one child who LOVES and responds to a behavior chart.
I wanted to be a stay at home mom AND I ended up following my professional passions and working.
I love the sound of “Time In” AND I have a child that truly needs time alone when they are dysregulated.
I found great support in my La Leche League meetings AND I didn’t nurse on demand after 6 months.
I like a lot about Baby Led Weaning AND I start babies on purees.
How to Allow More “AND” In Your Parenting
Allowing more AND in your parenting can feel messy and uncertain. You may feel left out around groups of like-thinking moms when all you want is to fit in. You might not have a simple answer when asked how you birthed your baby or how you started solids or how your baby learned to sleep through the night.
How do you face your own insecurities and uncertainties with something other than a tight-grip on a particular idealogy? For me, it means responding to self-doubt and self-criticism with a lot of affirming, loving self talk about how responsive I am as a parent.
If I want to raise critical and independent thinkers, free spirits, gut-listeners, life-long learners true to their authentic selves, I must rise to the challenge to parent in that same way.
We have to be willing to be brave as parents and support our children as individuals that they are.
Reflection:
What parenting theories / methods / ideologies do you most strongly align with?
Are there any ways that your child might be showing you that those are or aren’t a good fit?
What thoughts or feelings come up for your when you think about doing something different than what you planned or hoped to do with your kids?
What would you tell a friend who came to you and said that an approach you hold near and dear wasn’t working for them or for their child?